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lestat de lioncourt. ([personal profile] damnedest) wrote2024-10-19 07:25 pm
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-10-27 03:47 am (UTC)(link)
And so they step back from the edge of some kind of disaster.

Louis' gaze slants back. The hurt is still there, a second heartbeat in his chest, contained. Suppressed, pushed far enough aside that Louis can recover a fond smile. Offer it up, no hesitation.

"I did."

Unchanging, this. Louis' love of music, yes, but Lestat's in particular. He'd listened to it so many times, tracing the threads of the song back to their salon in New Orleans. The pieces of it that were intrinsically Lestat, even mingled and transformed by the progression of time.

"Liked the video too," Louis tells him, because of course he had sought it out. Sought that like he had unearthed the band's website, the series of articles announcing the tour. Louis doing his own research, to Daniel's great amusement.
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-10-27 04:55 am (UTC)(link)
Talk of the book delayed, deferred, in favor of this.

Is it an easier topic? In some ways, yes. In others, Louis finds it extremely difficult.

But the difficulty doesn't matter. Lestat has been speaking of the tour since Louis found him. Louis is so pleased to see him, lucid and healthy, making good on what Louis had feared was only a delusion.

"Got that too," Louis tells him. "Your very kind arrangements for me."

Likes that. Likes Lestat's smile. Likes arrangements made for him, space in which Louis might fit himself into Lestat's new life.

"You know I've never hated anything you've composed."

Admittedly, they're a long ways from their companionship, and the kind of music Lestat had been playing then. But it's still his music.

"I'm going to enjoy it. Your tour."
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-10-27 05:52 am (UTC)(link)
The casual hair toss does not, actually, soften the absolute shock of this revelation.

And while Louis manages to blunt and contain most of the emotion, some fraction of it touches his expression. Surprise, eyebrows lifting as Louis turns more fully towards Lestat.

It would be absolutely absurd if this were a joke. Louis doesn't bother entertaining the possibility that Lestat is only kidding with him. Instead, he spends a moment trying to recall if it had ever been mentioned that Lestat intends to make a documentary. Had they spoken of it? Surely not. Surely Louis would have remembered?

"Daniel?" he questions, as if there's some other vampiric biographer in Louis' rolodex. "I hadn't realized you were in contact."
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-10-27 06:37 am (UTC)(link)
Circling back to the book, which they should have a conversation about, Louis knows. Just not tonight, when Lestat is meant to be celebrating. It seems a poor moment to delve into the book, the circumstances in which Louis had spoken of all the things within it. That he hadn't read it, and why he doesn't wish to do so.

Which parts he regrets, and which parts he doesn't.

And he sees it, in Lestat's face. That he has been caught out in his reaction, and cannot quite begrudge Lestat whatever satisfaction he takes from it.

"I didn't know you wished to be interviewed," Louis says, and then amends, "To be interviewed so extensively."

Finding his footing by degrees. Admitting, "But there is no one better than Daniel, if you are set on the idea. And capable of convincing him to do his work on camera."

Which clearly has already been settled, so why is Louis even bothering rambling about it?
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-10-27 04:55 pm (UTC)(link)
A fair question.

But more difficult to answer than Lestat maybe means it to be. Louis had changed within the course of the interview. His intentions, his hopes for the outcome, all of it evolving as he and Daniel sat together and sifted through what Louis could remember, how he remembered.

Excavated what he did not.

"I had an idea of what I would say, at the beginning," Louis answers, breaking the silence stretching out between them before Lestat could repeat himself, take offense at Louis' delay. This long moment where his focus turns inward, disappearing from this castle, drawn back to past days in Dubai. "I felt I knew what I was presenting to him, and that relaying all of it aloud would...order it, in my mind."

Would make it real. Would validate the meaning Louis had been guessing at, soothe the growing disquiet at the sense he was adrift, tucked away in his tower.

Though also: a small breath of laughter for guide.

Yes, Daniel had guided, but not so gently as the word might imply.

"Daniel saw beyond me. He pushed us into avenues I would not have considered on my own. I imagine he will do the same for you, if you let him."
Edited 2024-10-27 16:56 (UTC)
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-10-28 03:13 am (UTC)(link)
What more is missing?

Louis has had some time to consider how seamless Armand's work to be. How Daniel, as skilled as he is, is not all-seeing.

But these are not the kinds of existential fears to burden Lestat with.

Louis tips his head back to him, a private little smile, rueful and tender both.

"I hope it is good for you," is what he offers. "I hope it is what you wish it to be."

And if he is envious of Daniel for receiving all that Lestat might say of his past—

That too is not something to burden Lestat with.
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-10-28 02:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Louis has behaved. He is the one who imposed this distance, this space between them. He is the one now who flouts it, reaching to link his fingers with Lestat's, straightening from his graceful slouch.

"No," he answers. "Wouldn't be fair of me to influence yours, since you ain't influenced mine."

It goes unspoken, who had exerted influence over Louis' interview.

But it's not the point. Louis' grip tightens, the smile he slants over to Lestat soft-edged and fond.

"I want you to say whatever it is you need to say. All your truths, all your contradictions. Don't hold any part of it back, especially not on my account."

Knowing that maybe Lestat would withhold. He always had, keeping his past out of Louis' reach. How little Louis knew of him, outside of their lives together. Impossible to say whether or not Lestat intended to maintain that in his documentary work with Daniel. He could easily manage it, if the goal was only to speak of what Louis had already divulged.
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-10-29 09:27 pm (UTC)(link)
"Do you want me to listen?"

A question that Louis feels is very fair, even if the possibility of being told no is agonizing. What a test of his resolve, being asked to never listen to whatever it is Lestat confides to Daniel in the course of their work.
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-10-30 05:41 am (UTC)(link)
Lestat lets go first.

Louis cannot help but note it.

Useless, foolish impulse. Louis had left. Louis had imposed space between them. Louis is here now, measuring himself against all the people who touch Lestat freely and easily without decades of baggage and envying them all the privilege.

All his old jealousies, alive and well. Daniel would laugh to hear him.

So released, Louis makes a small gesture in the air, dismissive of the concept of fair. A little late, after Louis has unearthed their history already.

"Just wanna be sure you get what you need from it, without letting me be a distraction."

Or worse, a tempering influence. Interfering, when that is the last thing he wishes to do.