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lestat de lioncourt. ([personal profile] damnedest) wrote2034-06-28 12:42 pm
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-12-21 09:35 pm (UTC)(link)
An innocent question. Lestat is curious.

Still, Louis can't contain the prickling defensiveness that sparks up as Lestat asks him this. The last time they saw each other, Louis had what? When Louis left New Orleans, what had remained in his wake?

And then in Paris, living off Lestat for some months, money draw from Roget's while Lestat was where? Alive, maybe in New Orleans, maybe in Paris already. Louis feels shame for it, for what he'd taken.

Says nothing right away while he wrestles with the immediate reaction. Lestat made a little cluster of product, and Louis selects one bottle to tip a pool of glossy, sweet-smelling mixture into his own palm. He chooses to work his first into Lestat's half-damp locks, then into his own wet hair, letting the quiet stretch out.

A drifting memory, Lestat smiling at him across a card table, asking: Do you not know your value?

"I'm doing real well," comes eventually, as Louis watches Lestat in the mirror. "I've got investments, bonds, real estate. I've got more money that I'll ever spend. I got a hobby, dealing art. Built up a nice collection too, things of my own."

Important, suddenly, that Lestat hears this. Whatever else Louis' life has been, there is still this. Success. Power. That Louis has rebuilt what he once gaze up.
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-12-22 03:46 am (UTC)(link)
"Some of it," Louis answers, fingers working through his own hair. Restoring shape, twisting here and there. "Some of what I have is in Dubai."

Not all of it. A collection housed in carefully controlled conditions elsewhere, warehoused and waiting for Louis to select from.

Some to be culled, because Louis bought it for what he was with Armand. Some for the man he'd been then, and some for Armand himself, gifts. Things that flattered their shared tastes, which Louis must now wonder: did they share tastes, even in art?

He lifts the dryer, makes a little face. Lacking, this piece of hotel provided equipment. Louis flicks it on at the lowest setting, goes to work carefully drawing the wet out of Lestat's hair.
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-12-22 04:43 am (UTC)(link)
Dryer discarded, Louis looks at both of them in the mirror. Storm washed from their skin, recognizable in some ways, alien in others.

"Come on," Louis says softly, to Lestat's reflection. "We should get you something to wear."

And then fed, a thing Louis hasn't considered but must now. Will they need to hunt rats? Does Lestat still feed from the vein? Would he drink from a blood bag?

Questions for after. Here and now, Louis lets his hand fall from Lestat's hair. Turns from the steamy mirror, the warmth of this room, to walk into the next. Lestat will follow, or he won't.
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-12-22 06:06 am (UTC)(link)
The muscles in Louis' back betray him, flexing tense at the thought of their home all dismantled, sent to auction. Over eighty years later, resenting how all their lovely things must have been scattered, snapped up and separated.

It's not that he hadn't known. It's only that it bothers him more now, that he has given himself permission to think of it clearly in a way he hasn't for a very long time.

"I could find them now," Louis says slowly. "I look for particular pieces,from time to time."

But he hadn't let himself look for any of the things that had hung in their home. All those things chosen together, arranged with such care in their home. They'd made it together. It's a loss Louis feels all over again, a knife in his chest.

He lowers himself into a crouch, unlatching a suitcase.

"If you want."

If Lestat wants. If Louis could bear it, hunting down the fragments of their old life.
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-12-22 07:22 am (UTC)(link)
Does Louis want the old pieces back?

Yes.

Does he want them in a warehouse?

No.

They aren't his. They aren't Lestat's. They're theirs. Louis doesn't know what to do with that right now. He barely knows what he and Lestat are doing. Louis is putting one foot in front of the other. One necessity at a time. Lestat floats through the room swathed in terry cloth and Louis picks through silky loungewear and comfortable sweatpants trying to think what would suit Lestat.

Refrains from asking again if Lestat intends to stay. Not yet. The question can wait, at least until after the storm.

"We'll see what survives the wind," Louis says absently. A little like before, hunkered down in their home while a storm blew through. "Come over here. I got a few things that'll suit you."

Louis doesn't let himself linger on Lestat as he is now. Gaunter, paler. More capable of fitting into some of Louis' clothes, which is convenient in the moment, but worrisome overall.
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-12-22 11:37 pm (UTC)(link)
A slight pause, fabric catching around Louis' shoulders before he finishes the motion, tugs the loose tunic into place. Smoothes a hand down his chest, steadying himself before he nods.

"Yeah, some."

Is there any other way for this topic to be other than fraught? Louis tells him this, and cannot do anything other than think of all the times Lestat had tried to coax him, pressure him, drag him towards blood. How Armand had retread similar ground, trying to coax Louis to eat.

And Louis, reluctant. Denying himself. Taking the least, the smallest sips. Always just enough to sustain himself, and no more.

What would it be now? Louis doesn't know. Hasn't decided.

"And you aren't, I think," he counters. Not quite a question.
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-12-24 01:44 am (UTC)(link)
And Lestat has been here how long? Almost eighty years?

Louis is looking back at him so, so steadily. Lestat, speaking of losing interest in the hunt. Gaunter than Louis remembers him.

"Yeah," Louis agrees quietly. "I get that."

Pretend that is what Louis has been doing for the past twenty or so years. Losing interest.

Pretend that there weren't long years where Louis barely ate. Pretend he is not still there, sitting most days with his hunger. His hunger; it's been with him longer than Armand, longer than Lestat.

"Difficult to hunt in a hurricane anyway," saves them both from speaking of it too deeply. "You think you could make do with whats on hand?"

A toss up: would Lestat drink blood from a bag? Would he take a little sip from the other hotel guests? Would they descend to hunt rats in the basement of this place?
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-12-24 05:18 am (UTC)(link)
Half-way to an answer, stops, backtracks to ask:

"Do you know what a blood bag is?"

A question that gives Louis a little space to sit with his own curdling sense of shame.

Half-measures. All the ways he had found, they had found, to coax Louis to eat after his last stumble. (Armand, sitting across the table watching intently as Louis moved from course to course. Armand, rising to occupy Damek's abandoned chair.) He finds now the old defensiveness, embarrassment. The ways in which he failed before. The ways in which he was a disappointment, still misaligned in him.
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-12-25 03:36 am (UTC)(link)
"It'll do."

It has done for Louis, for at least twenty years.

"I have it warmed," Louis tells him. "But it won't taste the same as it does when you drink from a vein."

Fair warning. Louis is watching Lestat's face so intently for any sign of—

Well. What had been there in New Orleans. Exasperation. Impatience. Disgust. Things Louis remembers very clearly, enough to inspire caution as they tread across this tender ground.
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-12-26 01:30 am (UTC)(link)
All the pomp and circumstance of Dubai could not be collapsed into a suitcase. Louis isn't certain he had wanted it transported. Doesn't know that he wanted to touch it, just yet.

So they will try this familiar thing a new way. Together.

"Warmed," Louis agrees.

A single text, pinged back with an affirmative.

Louis had arranged adjoining rooms. Rachida is awake. Louis can hear her going about the business of preparation, and in this span of time Louis crosses to the elegant coffee table, the low couch beside it. Beckons to Lestat.

What can they talk about? They have said all the weighty things. The smaller exchanges feel fraught to Louis, difficult to navigate without tripping over one wound or another. They can have this little starting point: Louis, beckoning Lestat over as the far door opens, and Rachida sets two generous mugs onto the adjacent bookshelf without ever entering.
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-12-26 03:20 am (UTC)(link)
Where did he go?

Louis touches Lestat's knee, rises from his seat to fetch the mugs. Nervous about presenting them to Lestat. Feels the spectre of their old arguments (of not-arguments with Armand) close to hand. But he bears the cups back to Lestat anyway, muscling the nerves away as he comes around to his answer.

"Egypt," Louis says quietly. He puts the mug into Lestat's hands. "Then port to port, for a time."

Wandering.

"New York, for a long spell after. San Francisco," with a moment's pause, looking at Lestat's face. San Francisco, weighted down by memory. "Then wandering again, wherever struck us."

Armand's words in his mouth again as Louis echoes, "Here, there, everywhere, and Dubai."

Lowering himself down to the couch once more, cup in hand, as he finishes, "And now, New Orleans."
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[personal profile] divorcing 2024-12-26 06:13 am (UTC)(link)
Trading back Louis' question.

Fair enough, isn't it? Louis had asked, Lestat had side-stepped. Lestat asks now, and Louis...hesitates.

Says nothing right away. He takes a long drink out of his mug, runs knuckles across his mouth. Louis knows his answer. He has already decided. It is only the unexpected struggle of saying it aloud, knowing what it will mean.

"No," is the truth. He owes Lestat the truth. "I'm not ready yet."

Where is home? It is still New Orleans. It is still Lestat. But Louis doesn't know that he fits back among these pieces. If he can grow past what the past eighty years have made of him if he tries now.

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